i'm alive. you might have some questions. you probably expected this to happen after all…
firstly today was one of the worst experiences i've ever had in my entire life. after i said my goodbyes on the titanic forums, i blocked the domain so i wouldn't have to see it again and just went to bed. i don't know, sleep felt like the appropriate thing to do before i killed myself.
but when i woke up i had probably one of the worst panic attacks i've ever experienced. i was also totally bedridden for a good hour or two. its probably one of the scariest things ive ever been through.
in the end i just couldn't bring myself to do it. the sleep really helped with the pain and all the stress that i was experiencing at the time, so that's probably what ultimately contributed to me not going through with it in the end.
im so happy to see a lot of you being so supportive through this. some people are just fake cunts and im so glad my friends were willing to stick by me after all of this. i know i'm not for everybody and i know i'm a bit fucking nuts but i'm glad i have people who love me for it. i love you all so much. i'm so grateful to have people who actually give a fuck and don't leave for the tough moments.
i'd also like to thank the people doing moderation on titanic's end for making the decision to just remove the post. they could've taken actions on my account as well, but i'm glad they treated this situation with respect.
also bluechinchompa, if you're reading this, i want you to know that i don't have any hard feelings as to what happened between us anymore. i still think the way i lost you as a friend was incredibly silly and unnecessary on your end, but i don't feel inclined to riff off jokes about you or block out your name on my server anymore. which is why i stopped doing that months ago.
i'm obviously going to have a lot of downtime. my servers will remain active but development will slow down significantly for the next couple of months. this was rough. really. it's fucked me up a lot
once again i can't express in words how grateful i am. thank you all so much for being so supportive.
firstly today was one of the worst experiences i've ever had in my entire life. after i said my goodbyes on the titanic forums, i blocked the domain so i wouldn't have to see it again and just went to bed. i don't know, sleep felt like the appropriate thing to do before i killed myself.
but when i woke up i had probably one of the worst panic attacks i've ever experienced. i was also totally bedridden for a good hour or two. its probably one of the scariest things ive ever been through.
in the end i just couldn't bring myself to do it. the sleep really helped with the pain and all the stress that i was experiencing at the time, so that's probably what ultimately contributed to me not going through with it in the end.
im so happy to see a lot of you being so supportive through this. some people are just fake cunts and im so glad my friends were willing to stick by me after all of this. i know i'm not for everybody and i know i'm a bit fucking nuts but i'm glad i have people who love me for it. i love you all so much. i'm so grateful to have people who actually give a fuck and don't leave for the tough moments.
i'd also like to thank the people doing moderation on titanic's end for making the decision to just remove the post. they could've taken actions on my account as well, but i'm glad they treated this situation with respect.
also bluechinchompa, if you're reading this, i want you to know that i don't have any hard feelings as to what happened between us anymore. i still think the way i lost you as a friend was incredibly silly and unnecessary on your end, but i don't feel inclined to riff off jokes about you or block out your name on my server anymore. which is why i stopped doing that months ago.
i'm obviously going to have a lot of downtime. my servers will remain active but development will slow down significantly for the next couple of months. this was rough. really. it's fucked me up a lot
once again i can't express in words how grateful i am. thank you all so much for being so supportive.